


A Very Drarry New Year

by donnarafiki



Series: The first advent and what followed after it [2]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Domestic Fluff, Established Relationship, Fluff, Fred Weasley Lives, Hogwarts Eighth Year, I promise, M/M, Mental Health Issues, New Year's Eve, New Year's Resolutions, Panic Attacks, but also like a lot of fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-31
Updated: 2017-12-31
Packaged: 2019-02-24 13:33:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 6,729
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13214802
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/donnarafiki/pseuds/donnarafiki
Summary: Draco felt himself push the man, the impossible man in his arms, against the wall on the other side of the alcove. And he felt himself kiss him like he’d never kissed him before. Longer, harder, and yet more lovingly than he had thought to be possible.How could this man be so nice? So forgiving and considerate even after all the truly terrible things that had happened to him? The awful way people had treated him? How had Harry managed to stay so kind?In which Harry and Draco help each other look forward to the new year.(Can be read without reading the first part of the series)





	1. Waking up

**Author's Note:**

> This is a continuation of my advent fic, but you don't have to read that in order to understand this. All you need to know is that Draco tried to cheer Harry up by anonymously giving him presents during advent, so that Harry would look forward to his future again. One of those presents was a cat named Arthur.  
> Harry and Draco got together just before Harry found out that Draco had been giving him those gifts.

Draco woke up on the 31st of December feeling well-rested and comfortably warm. There was a messy mob of hair nestled just under his chin, attached to the steadily breathing man in his arms. Harry must have snuck into his bed again while he was asleep, as he had done several times over the last week.

Thus far Draco hadn’t managed to fall asleep when Harry was already in bed with him. His strict pureblood upbringing had left him with quite a few intimacy issues. He could suppress those while he was awake, but that required him to be alert, and one could hardly be alert while falling asleep. Luckily, Draco almost never woke up when Harry sought his comfort after he’d fallen asleep.

Smiling happily, he pressed a kiss on Harry’s head. There was no one there to see him look like a lovesick teenager, so he let himself have his moment. Harry stirred a bit, so Draco automatically tightened his arms around him. Harry still slept without a shirt, though now that that meant that he had free access to the man’s skin, Draco had stopped complaining about it.

“Morning.” Harry mumbled, his voice thick with sleep. He nudged his head against Draco’s chest, and Draco felt himself die a little. Okay, a lot.

“Morning.” He whispered back once his heart had stopped being so full of love that it blocked his throat.

“Meow.” Arthur told them as she hopped onto the bed.

“Ey darling.” Harry struggled to get his arms out from underneath the blankets, and Draco rolled to the side to give his boyfriend more space to pet the kitten. Hearing Harry whisper sweet nothings to Arthur was one of the best parts of his day, despite the fact that the cat was a misbehaving menace.

When Arthur hopped off the bed again after getting her morning dose of attention, Harry stretched and appeared to get ready for some more sleep. It had taken Draco a long time to fall asleep the night before, so Harry had probably only crawled in with him and slept himself around two in the morning. Feeling slightly guilty for that, Draco threw his legs out of the bed and got up.

“What are you going?” Draco chuckled at Harry’s jumbled English.

“The kitchens and the owlery.” He replied as he bent over Harry and kissed him on the cheek. His stomach was a storm of nerves as he did so, with several voices in his head telling him that he shouldn’t, that he was moving too fast, that he was deserting his roots and a whole load of other crap that he resolutely shoved away. His pureblood upbringing had so far only bright his misery, he couldn’t imagine it bringing him any good now.

“‘Kay.” Harry said, smiling. “Later.”

“Later Harry.” He said back, before quickly throwing on a loose outer robe and getting a start on his errands. He was back about fifteen minutes later with a breakfast tray and a copy of _Monthly International Potion Journal_. He’d gotten a subscription for it from Pansy for Christmas.

Harry was asleep again, but that didn’t stop him from putting his arms around Draco when he got back in bed. It was really rather sweet, and it took several minutes before Draco could get himself to open his magazine and start reading. Even then he kept glancing at Harry every few paragraphs, reassuring himself that it really was Harry lying next to him. That it had all been real, the past few weeks.

“You’re such a nerd.” Draco had finally managed to get invested into a research on regrowing coral reefs using a modified version of gillyweed, that he hadn’t noticed Harry waking up. “It’s very cute.”

“I am not cute.” Draco said absentmindedly as he tried to wrap his mind around the combination of transfiguration and genetic manipulation the people in the article had tried to pull off. He really had to do more research on this DNA thing, because he felt like he was missing something. “Stop saying that I am.”

“I won’t because it’s true. You’re cute and incredibly sappy.” Harry leaned over to him and kissed his underarm because it was closest to his face. “Not that that’s a bad thing. I like it.”

“Still not cute.” Draco muttered, bringing the article closer to his face to read the source material. He frowned. As far as he could see the formula the researchers had used had too many variables for a proper model. And they hadn’t taken the acidification of the ocean into account for some unknown reason.

“You expect me to believe you when you frown like that?” Harry heaved himself up and kissed Draco’s forehead. He’d indeed been unconsciously frowning, and realising that made him frown more. Harry laughed, and pressed his next kiss on his mouth. “I stand by my point, you’re incredibly cute.”

 


	2. Walking back

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> there's a panic attack in this one, just so you know and can skip it if that triggers you

“I’m sorry that we had to leave early.” Draco told Harry as he tried to keep his teeth from clattering. The heating charms on his coat had worn off and his hands were so cold now that he very much doubted he could cast one again. And even if he could, the vicious wind would kill it within minutes.

“Don’t be stupid Draco, that was just as much on me as it was on you.” Harry replied as he shot a look over his shoulder. His expression was dark and his eyes were ablaze with a fiery hate for what he saw.

Just a few feet behind them at least a dozen journalists and photographers had lined up in front of the gates. They had followed the pair all the way from the three broomsticks up to the Hogwarts grounds. If the headmistress hadn’t banned them, they surely would have continued their pursuit there too.

“And you know I don’t even like shopping.” Harry shrugged. “It doesn’t bother me that much.”

But Draco knew that was a lie. Harry hated the attention that came with the two of them dating more than the attention from his _boy who lived_ fame. However, he didn’t point that out as he thought that it would only needlessly irritate Harry further.

Draco didn’t want that. All he wanted was to make Harry happy. Okay, that wasn’t the whole truth. Sometimes he wanted to piss him off, tease him, make him roll his eyes or even annoy Harry into whacking him over the head with a pillow.

But he never wanted to make Harry unhappy, that he knew for sure.

“Are you cold?” Harry asked suddenly, eyeing Draco’s now slightly trembling and paler-than-usual frame from the side. Draco shoved his hands deeper into his pockets and tried to get his muscles back under control. It was only a few yards until the castle, there was no need to make a fuss now.

“In the core of my heart and soul?” He smirked at Harry, unaware that his lips had gone slightly blue. “Always Harry, always.”

Instead of laughing at that, which he should have done because it was a brilliant joke goddamnit, Harry suddenly leaped forward and kissed him.

“I knew it!” He called out when they broke apart, ignoring the sound of a thousand camera shutters closing at once. “You’re freezing out here. I told you to wear something warmer.”

_But since the manor got confiscated I don’t have anything warmer_ , Draco thought bitterly, though he did not let that emotion show on his face. Instead he shot Harry a glare and told him, “That’s just a Malfoy trade. We’re cold people, haven’t you noticed?”

“Sure you are.” Harry replied with a loving smile on his face that told Draco that Harry didn’t believe a single word he said. “Just as all Malfoy’s are slightly blue, have trembling fingers, noses so red they almost glow and a body that shivers for no reason.”

“We shiver to indicate there are idiots present, Potter.” Draco said rather muffled as Harry tried to put his scarf around his neck, which Draco stubbornly kept refusing. With his advent presents he had tried to give something back to Harry for all he’d done in the war, but if Harry kept up these bloody romantic gestures, then all would have been for nothing in a very short notice.

That was something he kept telling Harry, after which Harry always told him _bugger off. I’m going to be nice to you and there’s no one who can stop me. That includes you_. It was a sweet sentiment, but also more than just a little frustrating.

“Now take these.” Harry held his gloves out for Draco. “And stop trying to-”

“I’m not wearing your gloves Potter.” He cut Harry off sharply. A little too sharply, but it couldn’t be helped. Just one glance at the Potter family crest on the things made him want to turn around and run, or some other dramatic thing like that.

It was probably, like Pansy kept saying, _not true and bloody stupid_ , but he didn’t feel worthy of wearing them. He knew that Potter wouldn’t see it that way, that he’d been forgiven and that even the wizengamot had decided that his faults were more to blame on childhood foolishness and a racist upbringing, rather than on actual evil intentions, but he just couldn’t shake the feeling that there was blood on his hands.

And he wasn’t about to put blood stained hands on something like Harry’s family crest. It just didn’t feel right.

“Well fine then!” Harry called out, oblivious to Draco’s inner monologue and doubts. “But then I’m holding your hands, you giant pillock, since I rather fancy having a boyfriend _that has fingers_.”

Before Draco could protest, Harry had grabbed both his hands and took them between his own. His brown, calloused fingers were surprisingly warm against his frozen skin and that only improved when Harry started blowing on Draco’s hands. The gesture left Draco at a loss for words and they stayed silent until they reached the castle, walking rather awkwardly because of the way Harry held his hands.

“That was totally unnecessary.” Draco huffed as Harry let go of his hands, only to grab a hold of just one immediately after. His protest sounded weak even in his own ears, but he wasn’t up to the job of making anything better out of it.

He felt rather worn out after drinking slightly awkward butterbeers with Harry’s friends, and getting chased by a mob of press while receiving several stinging hexes in the process, which he’d managed to keep hidden from Harry. And now this whole business with half freezing to death, he felt like he rather deserved to feel that way.

Overall this day just wasn’t working for him, and he feared that even with his obliviousness Harry would catch on to that soon. He didn’t know what would happen then, but he did know that he didn’t want to find out. Merlin knew what a mess he’d been after Harry had hugged his marked arm, or when he’d given his grand _you’re allowed to live_ speech.

Not that he needed a lot to turn into a mess these days. The war, trauma, guilt, expectations, disappointment, anger, hatred, self-hatred and recurring bouts of depression made that there was very little space between the iron Malfoy mask, and the pathetic excuse of a human being Pansy kept finding on bathroom floors or in ancient wine cellars.

Dancing that line had been easier when he’d had something to focus on, namely Harry’s advent. But that was over now, and though he’d been left with a loving boyfriend because of it, it had also left him with the pressure of guilt and self-doubt squeezing the air out of his lungs again. He’d hoped that feeling would vanish, but apparently it had not.

“Ey, are you alright?” Unnoticed by Draco, they had reached the privacy of their empty dorm. Harry was looking at him worriedly, but mostly with lots of uncertainty in his green eyes. Draco knew he could be difficult to read at times like these, especially for someone like Harry, who was hardly the world’s most perceptive person.

“Been better.” It was much harder to get those words over his lips than he’d imagined, which probably meant that he was further gone than he’d thought. He pulled his hand free from Harry’s and began laying off layers of clothing. Harry just watched him as he did so, undoubtedly coming up with another heroic plan to save him.

“What do you need from me?” Harry eventually asked just after Draco had managed to get out of his shoes. The question caught him by surprise, and for several long moments he just looked at his boyfriend, giving the words time to sink in.

“What do you need me to do to make you feel better? I’m not like you, I have hardly any experience with this, and to be honest I don’t know what to do.” Draco stood up a little straighter as Harry stepped closer, though he kept a safe distance between them. Safe enough in order not to chase him away in case he didn’t want to be touched. Draco found himself rather moved by it, though he wasn’t exactly sure why. “But I do know that I want to help.”

Draco thought that, even if he had been capable of talking, he wouldn’t have known what to say to that. It was something considerate which he expected from someone like Pansy, whom he’d known for over fifteen years. It wasn’t something Harry ought to say after only a few months of not hating each other.

With his hands shaking slightly, though not from the cold this time, he sat down on the edge of his bed, and forced himself not to think about what Harry had just said. However sweet it had been, for now it was too confusing for him, and he needed all of his attention focussed one one thing.

_Breathe in, breathe out. Breathe in, breathe out._

He didn’t know how long he sat there, only that at some point he trusted himself enough to hold out a hand for Harry. The man immediately came to his side, and Draco put one arm around his middle as he pressed the side of his head into Harry’s soft stomach.

He could hear Harry’s steady heartbeat; Rapid at first, but when Draco finally managed to get his frayed nerves under control a bit it slowed down. And then, after what felt like an embarrassingly long time, Draco answered Harry’s question.

“Just be here.” He pushed himself tighter against Harry, despite the voice in his head telling him that he didn’t belong there. “Stay here, I don’t want to be alone like this. Ever. I was alone when… When I lived with _him_ , and before that. I can’t do this alone anymore. I can’t bear it.”

“That’s okay.” Harry shushed him, putting a tentative hand on Draco’s head as he lightly started stroking his blonde hair. “It’s okay. I’ll be there. You won’t be alone anymore I promise.”

Draco let out a shuddering breath, embarrassed about confessing those things to Harry, while at the same time feeling immensely relieved. Solitude had always been his greatest fear. Alone as a little boy in a too big mansion. Alone under the disappointed gaze of his father. Alone in his task to kill Dumbledore. Alone in his resolve not to let Dean and Luna die in his cellar. Alone in his decision not to identify Harry when he could have. Alone in his holding cell in Azkaban.

Not even the cruciatus curse could compare to the crushing loneliness he’d felt in those moments. Moments when lost and cold didn’t even begin to cover how he felt. And only now, one side of his face buried into Harry’s warm stomach, his arms firmly around the man’s waist, he finally felt like maybe those moments were in the past now. That maybe he didn’t have to be so alone anymore.

And while that believe felt scarry, wobbly and uncertain, it was also, mostly, the most liberating thing he’d ever felt.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that's the second! Third will be up after I had some breakfast


	3. Comfort

“Are you feeling better?” A soft, low voice whispered against the top of his head. It caused the ribcage Draco was laying on to vibrate, which made him hold onto Harry a little tighter. He still felt rather awkward about being in the same bed as Harry, but the feeling of comfort and safety was stronger than that now.

“Yes.” Draco let out a deep sigh, and shifted his head a little higher until it was resting on Harry’s shoulder. They had climbed into bed together after Draco’s episode, so he could mentally prepare himself for going down to the common room later that day. They’d planned to make New Year’s resolutions with all the other eight years, because a lot of them weren’t sure what to do now that the war was over. “Thank you Harry.”

“Don’t mention it.” Harry smiled down on him, before he leaned over and kissed him. As they kissed they both sat up, and Harry moved into Draco’s lap. Harry deepened the kiss, making Draco taste the remnants of the butterbeer and cinnamon cake he’d eaten before. Draco didn’t think he’d ever tasted something so delicious.

After breaking apart they stayed in each other’s arms for quite some time, both of them breathing calmly, and feeling very much relaxed.

“We’re pretty pathetic, aren’t we?” Harry suddenly noted, chuckling into the crook of Draco’s neck.

Draco frowned as he let his hands travel upwards on Harry’s back, lightly massaging his skin in the proces. “Speak for yourself, Potter. I happen to be perfectly normal thank you very much.”

That caused Harry to snort loudly, and he let go of Draco in favour of letting himself fall onto his back. “Of course, how silly of me.”

Draco pulled his legs out from underneath Harry and placed both hands next to the other man’s head so he could lean over Harry, his long blonde hair pooling around his smiling face. “Yes, indeed.” He bent down a little further so he could whisper the next words against Harry’s lips. “Besides, to me this doesn’t feel pathetic at all.”

“Ahem.” Someone coughed in the door opening, making him and Harry jump. “However nauseatingly gross that might have been, I am afraid that we’re about to get started downstairs, so you’ll have to break it off.”

“Ugh, fine.” Harry peaked out from underneath Draco’s curtain of hair and shot the youngest Weasley an annoyed look. Draco stayed firmly put behind his blonde locks, somewhat glad that at least Ginny couldn’t see how deeply he was blushing, though Harry had a perfect view of his flustered face. “You’re such a buzzkill, Gin.”

“I know.” Ginny replied without the slightest hint of regret as she turned to leave the room. “Now get your arses downstairs within the next five minutes or I’m sending in Ron.”

As soon as Ginny was gone, Harry chuckled. “You look cute when you’re blushing.”

“I do no such thing.” Draco sat back up and glared at Harry as he bound his hair back in a high ponytail, because for some reason Harry loved seeing him in one. In response Harry just laughed at him, cupped his face and pressed their lips together.

“Stop it you wanker.” Draco glared at Harry again, but found it more difficult than ever to keep his goofy smile off his face. Dammit it shouldn't be legal to cause so much feelings with just one kiss. It wasn’t fair. “You’ll mess up my hair.”

“Hmm, you’ll still look gorgeous next to the mess on my head.” Harry muttered against his lips, his jaw, his ear, pressing kisses as he went. Draco shivered, quite incapable of processing the fact that Harry had just called him gorgeous. Sure, he might have thought himself to be handsome before the war, but now that was the last thing on his mind when he looked into the mirror.

These days what he saw there were protruding bones and weak, skinny limbs fit for next to nothing, left alone quidditch. He saw an underarm covered in scars and the most hideous of black. He saw bags under his eyes bigger than his own trunk, and hands that looked ghostly empty and thin without the family rings that he used to wear. Only a couple of white lines and thin scars reminded him of their absence now.

“Draco stop it.” Harry kissed him again, hard and with closed lips, grinding Draco’s hyperactive thoughts to a halt. “I know I’m oblivious at best and blind at worst but even I can see that you’re thinking too much again.”

“Even you?” Draco chuckled, feeling the tightness around his chest slowly go away. “It must have been written on my forehead then. In thick capital letters. Or it was whispered in your ear, since I’m not sure how good you reading skills are.”

“Oi!” Harry glared at him, but there was a mischievous twinkle in his eyes. “I’m not analphabetic you know.”

“No, in fact I did not know that. What an interesting surprise.” Draco properly grinned now, and left the room laughing as Harry whacked him over the head with a pillow. It probably messed up his hair, but at that moment he couldn’t care less.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> aaaaand another one! I hope it is enjoyable so far
> 
> and again happy new year guys!


	4. New Year Resolutions

“What do you have so far?” Draco leaned his chin on Harry’s shoulder as he told the prudish pureblood voice inside his head to piss off. He wasn’t going to let his upbringing stop him from being close to Harry.

“Eh, not much.” Harry put an arm around him and stared at his New Year’s resolutions list with a defeated sigh. Draco knew all too well how he felt. Neither one of them had expected to live this long, so they’d never bothered with dreaming about the future. “Graduate from Hogwarts, fly more and don’t curse any journalists.”

Draco chuckled at the last one, but of course it wasn’t lost on him that it was quite terrible that an eighteen year old kid with the world at his feet couldn’t come up with more than three items. Not that he himself had done a much better job.

“What do you have so far?”

“Graduate from hogwarts, just like you.” He pulled out his list and looked at the three remaining items. It wasn’t much of a result after fifty minutes worth of brainstorming. “Get a job, stop dissociating and don’t die. And I really only put that last one on it so I could at least say I succeeded one thing at the end of the year.”

“I wouldn’t say that.” Harry took his list and studied it more closely. “I mean, I didn’t manage it this year.” Harry striked out _don’t die_ and replaced it with _be alive and well at the end of the year._ “So, much better.”

“Hardly, your handwriting is absolutely atrocious.” He told Harry as he tightened his arms around him. Remembering how Harry had voluntarily walked into that forest, and how he had actually died for them, always made him feel very protective of the scar faced man. A foolish sentiment of course, because how could he, Draco Malfoy, ever protect Harry?

Unless, possibly, he could protect Harry from the demons inside his own head. His nightmares. His panic attacks. His lethargy. Or he could try at the very least.

“Give me that.” He let go of Harry in favour of grabbing his list of resolutions, and added _Improve handwriting_ first, to throw Harry of the scent. It worked, Harry laughed, grabbed Draco’s own list and added something else to that as well. Draco took that opportunity to write even more on Harry’s list.

  1. _Learn selective occluding_
  2. _Take muggle yoga classes_
  3. _Regularly see a therapist_



He paused then, not sure if Harry would take kindly to being told he should see a therapist. Maybe it wasn’t really his place to say that. Or maybe Harry already saw one and just hadn’t told him about it because they didn’t have a relationship like that.

“What’s selective occluding?” Unnoticed by him Harry had read the list over his shoulder. “It’s not the same as normal occluding now, is it? Because that was awful, and I was pure shite at it too.”

“I know.” Draco replied, pushing away the feeling of grief as the image of his godfather complaining about Harry rose to his mind. Out of all the adults in his life, Severus might have been the most sensible one, and he missed the man dearly when he allowed himself to do so. “But selective occluding isn’t the same as protective occluding.”

He swallowed hard, feeling slightly uneasy with the subject matter. Occluding had saved his life more than once, but that didn’t mean that the subject didn’t bring a good amount of nasty memories with it.

“Selective occluding is the shielding of certain parts of the memory, as if those parts were the hostile force trying to enter your mind. Because in fact that is what they are, and when these parts succeed it shows in the form of nightmares. Though this form of occluding can also be used to create lucid dreams, it usually has the purpose to stop recurring dreams without stopping the process of dreaming all together, which can leave you feeling uneasy and unsettled as it is the brain’s natural way of processing the things that have happened throughout the day.”

He shot a look at Harry and found him paying close attention to his words. Or at the very least to his lips. “It is easier than protective occluding, as you are equal in strength to your opponent, and the opponent thinks the same as you do.”

“Do you do that too? Selective occluding?” Harry asked then. Draco bit his lip, for the first time since ages, and looked at his hands. Talking about occluding was no fun, but talking about his own personal experiences with it was even worse. But if he wanted Harry to learn it, then he had a right to know.

“Since the start of sixth year there hasn’t been a single night that I haven’t.”

He could feel Harry tense up next to him, and immediately wished that he hadn’t said anything at all. Knowing those details wouldn’t help Harry anyway. He took his eyes off his fingers only when he heard the scratch of a quill on parchment again, and looked up to see Harry add something to his own list of resolutions.

  1. _Make sure Draco never feels alone again_



As Draco watched Harry finish the last word in his ugly chicken scratch handwriting he could physically feel himself shut down. Dissociate. Put on a mask. And the thing was that he wasn’t even sure if he wanted to fight that reaction, because he was pretty sure he would start crying if he dropped his guard. And he didn’t want to cry.

Or maybe he did.

Confused, with his heart racing and his breathing getting heavier despite his attempts to fight it, he pulled Harry into his lap and buried his face into his neck. “Fuck you, Harry.” He muttered against Harry’s sweater. The words had been meant more for himself than for his boyfriend, but Harry heard them anyway.

“That could definitely be one of the resolutions too, though it might be a bit unconventional.” Harry chuckled at his own joke as Draco took his time to recompose himself. Apparently it only took seven well placed, ugly written words to turn him into a giant mess now. That surely must be a record.

Feeling as if he were making a very big mistake again, Draco reached out for his list of resolutions as Harry worked on his own. He didn’t feel up to talking just yet. Certainly not because they were surrounded by the other eight years and Pansy, Luna, Hermione and Ron kept sending them weird looks. But reading, that he could do.

  1. _Go outside without immaculate hair at least five times a year_
  2. _Admit that you like Arthur_
  3. _Bake Ron cookies_



“Why do I have to bake Weasley cookies?” Draco asked Harry after a moment, feeling like that would be the safest question to ask. Neutral enough not to let his voice crack.

“Because he loved your cookies, and if you supply him with plenty of food it’s easier for him to start liking you.” Harry replied simply. “Besides, I’m still not sure if I believe that you can actually bake.”

That response made Draco huff in great offence, and soon they were bickering like an old married couple again, and both loving every minute of it. Before they knew it, it was time for dinner, and both of their lists were a lot longer than before.

 

_New Year’s resolutions of Harry Potter_

  1. _Graduate Hogwarts_
  2. _Fly more_
  3. _Don’t curse any journalists_
  4. _Improve handwriting_
  5. _Learn selective occluding_
  6. _Take muggle yoga classes_
  7. _Regularly see a therapist_
  8. _Make sure Draco never feels alone again_
  9. _Learn how to dance_
  10. _Be more selfish_
  11. _Don’t go to any social events when I don’t want to_
  12. _Learn how to knit (ask Mrs Weasley)_
  13. _Don’t die (again)_
  14. _Kiss Draco_



 

_New Year’s resolutions of Draco Malfoy_

  1. _Graduate Hogwarts_
  2. _Get a job_
  3. _Stop dissociating_
  4. _~~Don’t die~~ Be alive and well at the end of the year_
  5. _Go outside without immaculate hair at least five times a year_
  6. _Admit that you like Arthur_
  7. _Bake Ron cookies_
  8. _Fuck Harry_
  9. _Admit that you look cute when you get flustered_
  10. _Teach Harry selective occluding_
  11. _Get into healer training_
  12. _Spend more quality time with Pansy_
  13. _Try to be less of a prude_
  14. _Gain weight_



 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One more to go! And not to be pressing or anything, but it would be quite amazing to start 2018 with a comment or two<3  
> Happy new year guys!


	5. Safe, Happy, Loved And Not Alone

“I don’t think I have ever seen ‘gain weight’ as a New Year’s resolution before.” Luna noted as she scanned his list. “I like it. It would do you good.”

Draco smiled at her, glad to be able to call her one of his friends, and took a look at her own list. He’d expected it to be full of weird, non-existing things, but instead he only saw three things. _Love Ginny, look out for my friends_ and _see the world_. The short list made him smile. Now that he saw it it made sense. She didn’t need any more plans than this, otherwise she’d feel tied down.

“But I don’t think this fits.” Luna frowned as she looked at the list again, before carefully crossing out _fuck Harry_ and replacing it with _make love to Harry_. “So, much better.”

Draco smiled at her as he very much hoped that his head wouldn’t spontaneously combust. He hadn’t even noticed that Harry had actually written down his whispered curse. He wasn’t entirely sure how he felt about having that on paper.

“I don’t think you’re that much of a prude.” Harry said as he rested his head on Draco’s shoulder and looked at his list. The man looked tired already, even though it was barely past seven, meaning that they still had five hours to go before midnight and the start of a new, fresh year. “I mean last night-”

“I am stopping you right there mate.” Ron fell down on the opposite side of the table. “That is, if you want to keep our friendship. Date Malfoy, fine, but I don’t want to hear about what goes on behind closed doors.”

Draco felt himself go even redder within seconds. Harry mouthed _cute_ at him and made what was probably supposed to be a heart shape at him. Draco grumbled and glared at Harry.

He felt stupid for blushing, because nothing had happened the night before. Harry had only meant that they’d shared a bed again, quite platonically.

“Ah, our newest addition to the family is already showing the right colours.” Draco looked up, slightly startled, to find the Weasley twins heading his way. The two were followed by Lee Jordan and Angelina Johnson, who were in deep conversation together and barely cast a look his way as they found a place to sit.

“Mind you, we usually go for red hair, not a red face, but I must say you pull that blush off quite well.” Fred winked at him, and Draco found himself more at a loss for words than he’d ever been. The Malfoys and Weasley’s were notorious for their hate for each other, and though he had spend the last months trying to renounce his family ways, he still felt uncomfortable with that history.

“Stop it, both of you.” Harry glared at the twins with a protective look in his eyes that actually made both redheads shut up for at least a moment. It was a good thing Draco hadn’t seen it, otherwise he might not have been able to find his tongue back for a week.

“What are you two doing here? I thought you’d be spending new year’s with mum and dad?” Ron frowned at his brothers as he chewed on his bacon.

“Well, that was the plan.” Fred said as he sat down on top of the table. _Mannerless blood traitor_ , the voice of his father supplied unhelpfully. He pushed the words to the back of his mind and threw a firm occlumency shield over it. He had never had less need of his father’s presence than now. “But then dear old Perce decided to join us with his his _fiance_ , who is _overly sensitive_ , so mother forbid us to light any fireworks and we left.”

“Your brother is engaged to Audrey Easton, isn’t he?” He asked Fred, hoping to steer the conversation into a direction where he could chip in as well, without it being too awkward.

“Yes.” Fred leaned forward, interested. “How do you know that?”

“We see the same therapist. She kicked me in the knee once when she was having a seizure, I couldn’t walk for a week.” He snickered as he thought back to it. He’d been so surprised when Audrey had kept on apologising to him even after he’d told her his full name and war past. “I’ve never seen such a delicate woman with so much physical power. I’m quite sure she could floor Hagrid if she put her mind to it.”

“Was that why you were limping two weeks back?” Harry gave him an odd look, which Draco didn’t fully register as he was quite distracted by the image of what had really happened two weeks ago.

“No that was something else.” Before Harry could ask what it was then, the other half of the Weasley twin started talking.

“Are you serious?” George looked at him as if he saw him in a new light. “She looks like she wouldn’t be able to kill a fly. Are you sure we’re talking about the same Audrey?”

“Positive. And size doesn’t say anything about strength. Take Luna, she-” _Fuck now I do need to tell them about two weeks back_ , he thought suddenly quite panicked. It was hardly something he wanted to tell Harry, and he _definitely_  didn’t want to tell the Weasley’s.

“What did she do, Draco?” Harry asked mock outraged, as if he’d suggested he’d been romantically involved with Luna Lovegood, out of all people.

“Well she carried me back from the quidditch field all the way to my dorm for one.” Ginny, blessed, blessed Ginny, interrupted before Draco had to make any confessions he didn’t want to make. “And there’s a good many other-”

“Stop! Stop it right there!” Ron called out, having gone beet red. Ginny laughed at her brother and Luna simply looked amused at the scene unfolding around her.

“My goodness Hermione, is he such a prude in bed too or…?” Ginny asked with a predatory smile on her face as she eyed Hermione. Ron looked like he might spontaneously combust from embarrassment.

“I don’t think I want to listen to the rest of this.” Harry whispered in his ear, tugging at his hand to make him get up. Draco obliged, happy to leave the awkwardness that never really had left after the twins had arrived.

He followed Harry to what he thought would be their dorm, but Harry had different ideas and unexpectedly pulled him into an alcove. He then proceeded to kiss Draco like he’d just been told he only had one more minute to live, pushing him up against the wall so hard Draco was sure it would leave marks. An idea wasn’t too awful if you asked him.

“Eager much?” Draco asked breathlessly when they broke apart. He felt a bit queasy about the snogging session, as he didn’t know what had caused it. He worried that the desperation might be coming from a place of hurt to lose rather than an eagerness to love.

“I’m not denying that.” Harry laughed against his lips before kissing him again, lighter this time. “I just thought… It’s romantic, isn’t it? Snogging in an alcove.”

“Most people would say roses and nice music are romantic, but sure, this is not too awful for a low budget production.” Draco said, trying to up the poshness in his voice. He knew it would amuse Harry, and _bingo_ , just a second later his laughter filled the small secluded space.

“Stop it you ponce.” Harry shoved him playfully and stood on his toes to kiss him again. “I just thought it would be nice to end this year on a better note than the last one.”

_When Hermione was maimed, you lost a dear friend and nearly got caught by Voldemort in Malfoy Manor_. They both silently added. Draco’s worst moments had been in that Christmas break. Even to his therapist he hadn’t managed to open up about what had happened there when Harry arrived, or mostly what had happened after Harry had gotten away again.

Snatchers didn’t take kindly to liars.

“And then I thought of how it must have been for you.” Harry continued to speak, pulling Draco out of his thoughts. “We got time to rest after that, but you were still there, still with _him_ …” Draco could feel Harry tremble in his arms, and wished he would stop speaking. He didn’t want to remember that. Not ever.

Suddenly Harry kissed him again, even harder and more desperate than the last time. “I just wanted to make you feel safe.” Another kiss landed on his lips, lighter but not with less feeling. “Make you feel happy.” A third kiss was combined with a firm hug. “Loved. Not alone.”

And suddenly Draco felt himself push the man, the _impossible man_ in his arms, against the wall on the other side of the alcove. And he felt himself kiss him like he’d never kissed him before. Longer, harder, and yet more lovingly than he had thought to be possible.

How could this man be so nice? So forgiving and considerate even after all the truly terrible things that had happened to him? The awful way people had treated him? How had Harry managed to stay so _kind_?

“Eager much?” Harry asked when they finally came up for air, even more breathless than Draco had been some minutes ago.

“I’m not denying that.” Draco barely managed to smile before he gave in to the urge and kissed Harry again. They were both back for dinner very late and very rumpled-looking that evening, but neither one of them cared. Because they cared so much for each other, that there was no room for anything else.

* * *

 

“Twenty minutes to midnight.” Harry announced as he looked at the clock in the eight year common room. All of them had retreated there after dinner, except for the ones helping the Weasley twins prepare the fireworks outside.

“And? Are you looking forward to it?” Draco asked, making several of Harry’s friends turn their head in awaiting of his reply. Some of them had only helped him with the making of his advent book for this reason. Because they all wanted Harry to look forward to his future again. Wanted him to look forward to his life.

“Yes.” Harry smiled at him, oblivious for the many other eyes aimed at him. He only had eye for one person in the room it seemed. “I’m pretty sure that it’s going to be my best year yet.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that was the last one! Sorry that it didn't have a newyears kiss, but it felt finished like this. Besides, this entire tradition of kissing people at midnight only makes people feel left out, I think a group hug is a much better idea. 
> 
> Happy new year guys! I hope this was a somewhat nice second part to my advent fic<3

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you liked that! There are 4 more chapters, which I'll post as soon as the final edit is done. Max. a few hours.
> 
> Happy new year guys!


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